I have to get this off my chest… here are THREE things you’ll never see from me:

1: Refer to someone I’ve photographed as ‘beautiful’

You’ll never see me post a photo on insta, twitter, facebook, wherever, and refer to the featured human as ‘beautiful’. Ugh, hate it! Sure, if a photographer does it sparingly, fine, but when literally every upload is ‘the beautiful Maria’, ‘the beautiful Anna’, ‘the beautiful Chloe’… fuck, does humour, kindness, creativity, warmth, courage, strength, optimism not count for anything in your world? What’s your obsession with beauty all about?

Maybe the fact I only ever find myself shooting hilarious, warm-hearted, creative machines is rare in the photography world, but for me to cite their aesthetics, above all other qualities, no, sorry, that’d make me an award-winning dick.

Moreover, referencing someone perceived ‘beauty’ serves only to fuel society’s obsession with vacuous tripe like how someone looks. I mean… everyone knows I’m hot, but you don’t see me going on about it every two minutes, do you? No, I leave that for you to conclude – which you will, you’re not blind.

2: Hold a camera in a profile pic

Until I see a Gynaecologist ‘s Twitter avatar where they’re rummaging around their patient’s bits, I see no justifiable reason to hold a camera in my official profile pics. Ugh.

3: Show you photography stuff

In countless interviews, I’ve outlined how I prioritise the human interaction of photography over the tedious mechanics of it, so if you ever see me talking about the latest lens, flash, diffuser I’ve bought, please send me an email with ‘yawn’ in the subject field, or, the next time we see each other, just slap some ‘interesting’ into me.

Thank you in advance.